PLANTAINS!!!

I've been holding onto this for a while but i need to let it out, i need to let it out like theres no tomorrow.
I produce to you exhibit A.

A Banana, no big deal right, possibly a little bit larger than most, seeing as how i can hold this with two hands with room a bit of room to spare.

OK here the background, Every Monday our company brings in a basket of fruit for the whole floor (150+ peeps) strawberries, grapes, pears, apples, and other treats for us to eat. All of them are pretty average hand fruits, but then come in the bananas, i think these are grown on a land of giants, where they would consider this average with their massive hands. Whatever magical fertilizer used for these deductibles were not made by man, but stolen from the gods own gardens. The first few weeks here i enjoyed my free fruit with no further thought on these abnormally sized healthy snacks, That is until one Monday..

There i was, as any other Monday would go, half tired, half asleep all bored out of my mind, waiting for a break to interrupt the monotony of servitude, when said break time finally arrives and i wander into the appropriate said room, at first glance i thought surely this item before me was the colorful handle to the basket the rest of the fruit was in, upon further inspection it was actually part of the fruit itself! I could not believe it, this Banana was hybrid with walking cane, baseball bat, with a bit of crowbar and big bird in between, I had no idea what to do with this thing, surely not eat it, right?! holding it in my hands alone made me feel perverted in a way...right?!
Exhibit B:

I sat amazed at my desk next to this thing, amazed, confused, and for some reason inadequate. I compared it to my headset, my monitor, even laying it across my keyboard, almost all being dwarfed by its sheer size, This single fruit could feed an entire school with the addition of some nilla wafers, i could use the peel as a parka afterwards.
I could not bring myself to peel this entire product of nature without thinking of obscenities, so i ate it in pieces, sections if you will, as if rationing for many,carefully making sure no one was looking at me as if playing a trick or video taping me. Eating it took me the whole day, and not one part of it was bruised or mushy, it was tasty, an Adonis of bananas.
I lay awake at night sometimes, questioning my own physical being, sexuality, our political views on the world, if monkeys had it right all along, if all good things do in fact come to an end, and if there will ever be another...Adonis Banana